48hours a day
Things in me have totally change and there is a saying which sound so true, one will never realize when there is a change in them. I’m just another one.
Ever since poly school had started, time never seems to be enough for me. 24hours for is no longer enough, I want another 24hours added to the day.
As long as I’m at home, my eyes stare into nowhere but computer, for hours! And if my eyes are close, obviously I’m on bed sleeping. There isn’t any noise from me at home, even though I’m at home. The loudest noise come from my brother, dad and mum, fighting on bed and my mum busy scolding them and me? Looking into computer and don’t bother about them, hoping to finish my proposal, projects and assignments.
“Cheng ah, tomorrow morning accompany me to go for breakfast can?”
“Cannot lei, mummy. I’m going for some event early in the morning.”
“Cheng ah, come in and accompany us watch TV lei.”
“I’m rushing for my work la! Cannot!”
“Cheng ah, you very long never talk to us liao lei, how are you in school? Really got so busy or not?”
“Soso la (Staring at com), why lei? I very busy now eh.”
Seriously speaking, I realize the changes in me. Becoming impatience, more hot temper, no time for family, no time for good communication with them but I simply deny the changes in me that they mention because I don’t want to accept the fact and thought I can still actually manage it well just like before.
But the answer is, I can’t.
I feel the sour in me when my mum said “Do you realize how long you didn’t hold my hand and go out for a walk? Do you realize how long I didn’t get to talk to you even when I’m sad? Do you realize how long I didn’t get to have a proper breakfast with you? Do you realize how long I didn’t get to take a proper look at my own son?”
What the hell am I busy for?!?!?!
There is no need for discussion with them when I need things to be done in my own way because this is the best way for what I think. Yes! This is the best way, but I didn’t bother to have a good talk and discussion with them. Why? Simply because I have things behind waiting for me to do and I have no time. Like again?! NO TIME, what a good excuse.
I want to be an understanding child just like before, one with good patience toward my parents. Pile and pile of works are really suffocating me, but it not a good reason and excuse to treat my parent like the way I do now! Who isn’t stress like me, as long as you are living in Singapore? You only live your life once, it either you love the ones around you now or never.
A message to dad and mum: I really understand what both of you want from me, not A’s in my entire grade but a filial child, that all you both ask for. I promise to have times for both of you out of all my busy works and schedule, quit whatever that is unnecessary. I promise to be back the child like you want me to be, just like before. Just give me some time to adjust, I promise I will. Sorry daddy and mummy, I love you.
A message to darling: Times with you are great and beautiful, I hope this post won’t make you feel that you are taking up a lot of my time. I need you to know that you are already part of my family and both my parent had long accepted you, you are not just any one of the friends outside but a special one to me and my family. So never say sorry to me if you think you are just another busy work for me, never feel this way! LOLs, I believe you also know I’m having a lot of “kang tao” beside school-ing. That the problem in me, I’m going to re-adjust everything from now. I’m sure of this decision. I love you. 10.10 <3!
